I went to Publix the other day wearing a pink bandanna that one of the oncology nurses gave me. I bought an assortment of foods, including mussels, garlic and white wine. Naturally, I had to prove that I was old enough to purchase alcohol and when the cashier was looking at my ID she said, "I never would have guessed;" assuming that she was referring to my age I said, "Yeah, I almost always got carded before, but since my hair fell out I get carded for everything all the time, even cold medicine." She laughed and kind of made this sad face at the same time and said, "Well, at least it'll grow back, right?" to which I replied, "Yeah, my doctor told me it might grow back curly, but that it should go back to normal after a while, although she's had two patients whose hair never went back."
The woman standing in line behind me who was in her mid to late 50's and had previously compared her fatty foods to my significantly healthier foods said, "Mine didn't grow back curly, and the doctor told me the same thing." I told her that I was always perfectly happy with my hair and that I would love for it to come back the same and she told me that hers came back a little thicker, but who doesn't want thicker hair? I agreed, and then she said, "Did your hair actually fall out, or did you just shave it?" I immediately felt like I had to explain myself and told her how my hair had been to the middle of my back and I cut it short to kind of adjust to less hair and then when it started coming out by the handfuls that I buzzed it because it was getting everywhere and that I found it much less traumatic to have tiny bits of hair all over my hands than having endless handfuls of hair coming out. She kind of nodded and then announced how depressing it was to have your hair coming out by the handfuls.
I signed my credit card receipt, the cashier wished me luck in everything, said it was nice to see someone so positive and told me to keep smiling ("you have a beautiful smile," she said) and I left the store.
While driving home, I suddenly realized that the woman in line behind me was challenging me, actually challenging me to see if my cancer was legitimate, or as serious as hers was, or something... I don't know.
Why would she do that? Why would anyone do that?
And then I realized it was just like everything else... just like every other damn part of this whole cancer thing... it's the same reason doctors didn't treat it like it was serious in the first place, the same reason that the Health Department blew me off, the same reason the biopsy surgeon's office made me wait two weeks for a consultation, the same reason that woman gave me such a dirty look back in October for saying "at least it's a good month to get breast cancer," the same reason I can't get financial assistance and the same reason that no one can believe that I have breast cancer: I'm too young, and I look even younger. I don't look old enough to buy Tylenol Cold and Flu, never mind alcohol or to have breast cancer.
But hey, guess what, this just in: Cancer doesn't care how young I am.
Why does everyone else?
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6 comments:
Its possible this woman felt threatened by you. She has gone through cancer and all the treatments and feels its a trial and tribulation that makes her special. To have such a young woman endure the same could make her feel like she's been one upped. Some is more special than she is.
Or she's just not very good at small talk.
- Paul
You should NOT feel compelled to have a "Cancer-Off" with biotches like that! You'd think if anyone would understand what you're going through it would be someone who's been in your boat.
As for the 'looking young' thing - now I think you're just bragging. It's curable though... I recommend smoking and sunbathing ;)
Love,
Jen
While I didn't feel the need to have a "Cancer-Off," I did feel like I needed to explain myself. Maybe she did in fact feel like I was stepping in on "her territory," which is a very strange way to think about disease.
I think we should be focusing on curing cancer and just go ahead and let the looking young thing endure for now. :)
Look on the bright side.
You ARE younger than all those people questioning the legitimacy of your cancer.
You will outlive them.
Ryan
While discussing the annoyances of not being able to find financial assistance for women under the age of 50 Peter said something to the effect of, "If you 1) get the money you need to 2) get the treatments you need then you too will one day be 50."
This could have been much more complex of an exchange between you, the older woman and the cashier. It's quite possible that she had a hypochondriac family member, or she herself does not know how to converse without seeming hostile, or a million other possibilities, including the one you described. The fact that there was another person witnessing this conversation makes it likely that she was speaking to you this way because of this other woman. Perhaps she didn't like the attention you were receiving due to your "status" since perhaps she never received it when she was coping with the loss of her hair and other chemo-related issues. People are complex and odd and often their actions come from some place of insecurity. I don't think it's because one cannot believe that cancer does actually strike anyone at any age. It's probably more than likely because at your age, you do receive more attention because cancer is more likely to affect those who are older. That being said, the woman sounds like she has her own issues and you shouldn't even bother with someone like that, even explaining.
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